Library Aisles
by magpies
Summary: I knew it wasn’t right to just push problems away, but right now I saw no problems, just two best friends sitting beside each other. The only problem, I suppose, would be the painful urge I had to lean forward and close the space between us. CAM.


I found her with her back against the shelves of the Science section of the library, her hands firmly holding onto a book as she sat on the carpeted floor. Her eyes were scanning the pages; sometimes she would furrow her eyebrows in response to something and then giving a small 'ah' as she worked out the problem. I remained watching a few more seconds before her eyes slowly tore away from the pages to my standing figure standing near the edge of the section while she was midway of it.

Why was I here? Nothing good could come from me being here. I'd only be told what I didn't want to be told; that we were no longer friend. That she hated me, that she would rather spend a day handcuffed to Freddie than to look at me again.

Instead, a small but half-hearted smile formed from her lips, "Hey Carls."

A month ago, I'd expect nothing less than a smile, but now I expect nothing more. Why had she smiled? This wasn't what I had planned to happen... No, she was meant to throw the book at me... leave like she had done before...

"_I don't remember 'can you pass the popcorn?' meaning 'can you suffocate me with your tongue?' I swear Carls, boys are a different species."_

_I kept my eyes on her as she sighed and opened the door to my apartment, smoothie in hand. I nodded, looking solemnly to the floor. I was having a hard time listening to this, but not because it was boring, but because I didn't want hear about how Chris and Sam... Sam and Chris. I didn't want to hear about the date that I spent most of last week feeling sick over, the same date I had oddly cried over as well. I didn't want to hear Sam had a boyfriend. Not now, not ever._

"_Are you okay? You've stared at the floor the entire way from the Groovy Smoothie to here, and barely touched your smoothie. Oh wait... is it me going on about Chris? Ah, sorry Carls. I'll stop." She grinned, before returning to her smoothie and heading for the kitchen. _

_I felt relieved and grateful to Sam for stopping, but also guilty. She was telling me, her best friend, about a problem she had had, but I was being selfish. _

_I was still standing by the door, my hands clutching onto my untouched smoothie. I took my eyes away from Sam to outside. It was slowly beginning to rain, and was getting noticeably colder rather quickly. Sam shuddered as she returned from the kitchen to opposite me, on the other side of the couch._

"_It's cold isn't it?"_

_I nodded my head, bringing my smoothie up to my mouth and taking the first cold, harsh gulp of strawberry smoothie. I wanted to look anywhere but Sam, fearing I would do something wrong, or say something wrong._

"_If you don't want me here I can go you know..."_

_My eyes snapped away from my smoothie to Sam's blue eyes, staring worriedly and hurt at me. I shook my head furiously, visibly panicked._

"_No! No, I want you to stay!"_

"_Then why... why are you acting like this?"_

"_Like what?"_

_She furrowed her eyebrows further before dropped her eyes to the floor and shrugging, "I'll just go." She placed her smoothie down on the coffee table as she passed it, and kept her eyes on her shoes as she passed me. I didn't want her to leave, and I wasn't going to let her._

_I turned myself around quickly, sprinting to the door. As I reached it, I pushed myself against it just as her hand had reached for the door knob. Her eyes darted to mine, as mine widened in panic._

"_I really don't want you to leave, really..."_

"_Carly, it's kinda obvious you don't want-"_

_I cut her off. I didn't want to hear the end of that sentence because I've never wanted Sam to leave. I never have and never will._

_My lips connected with hers, resting on her lips as I wondered what to do next. I admit that for the past few months, I've wanted nothing more than for Sam to know how I feel, or at least feel her lips on my own, now that it was happening, I was having a hard time thinking up the next move. Subconsciously, I tilted my head, pressing my lips further against her own, tasting her raspberry smoothie against my own strawberry smoothie. I kept my eyes shut, fearing what the reaction I would see before me would be if I even allowed my eyes to connect with those of piercing blue eyes for a second. _

_I felt no response from Sam, but my mind wasn't taking this into account. It was screaming that this was the moment I had wanted, this was what I had dreamt of countless times, and that there was nothing that could go wrong. Too bad the mind isn't always right. _

_I felt hands rest against my stomach, pushing me roughly. I kept my eyes closed, still too caught up in the moment. By the time I had opened my eyes, I was alone. No one but me, myself and I. And the smoothies. I still had smoothies. _

Her eyes returned to the book before furrowing again. She gave a small laugh and then looked back to me, "I have a test tomorrow and I can't seem to remember anything."

I wasn't sure how to take this comment, but I took it as an invitation. I tentatively walked forward, watching her expression for any change, any sign of resentment or worry. When all she did was give a small smile and look back to her book, I walked closer more surely.

She looked back up when I was a bit closer, and shuffled along, making space for me. It was weird that she shuffled, considering that this was a long row meaning there was no need to shuffle, but it was, in many ways, welcoming. She was making space for me, and I was accepting it.

I lowered myself slowly so I was now sitting beside her. It wasn't until a few minutes later either of us spoke.

Why are you here Carls?"

I hadn't expected such a blunt question, and stuttered my answer, "Uhm, I- I- I don't know... I mean, I do, I just- I thought- We're best friends aren't we?"

She gave an amused sound before nodding, "Yes. That doesn't explain why you're here though."

I gulped, "Why are _you _here?"

She laughed before turning to me, resting her head against the shelves so she was lazily gazing at me, "You can't ask me why _I'm _when _you _came and found me."

"Who said I was looking for you?" I couldn't think of any other response besides that, but of course I had been looking for her.

She kept her head rested on the shelves and smiled, "Touché Shay."

I leaned my own head against the shelves so we were looking directly into each other's eyes. Her features were tiresome, her eyes were not fully open, and her smile was lazy too. I stared into her blue eyes, wondering what she was thinking, wondering if I should say something to her or leave the problems buried deep away from this moment, as to not ruin this peaceful moment. I knew it wasn't right to just push problems away, but right now I saw no problems, just two best friends sitting beside each other. The only problem, I suppose, would be the painful urge I had to lean forward and close the space between us. Okay, I admit it. There was a problem. I wanted to kiss her, my best friend.

I winced at the thought, and Sam caught the flinch, "What's wrong?" Her expression was still half-hearted, but there was concern visible.

I shook my head before taking my head off of the rows of books and facing straight ahead, my eyes falling to the floor while her head remained resting against the shelves.

We stayed like this for what seemed like days, but it was only a minute or so. I was brought away from my state of finding shapes within the green and purple patterned carpet to Sam when she spoke.

"Carly," she looked at me with knitted eyebrows, "Just tell me why you're here..."

I felt my breathing hitch as I wondered how to answer her question. I didn't even know the answer myself, so how could I possibly answer it for her? I stared at her for a few moments, my mouth open as I searched for an answer.

Finally she sighed and gave a small laugh, "Never mind."

I hadn't intended it, but I bitterly asked her a question back, frustrated that she was asking me hard questions like that, "Why aren't you at Chris's football game?"

She cocked an eyebrow, "What's this? Who can make the other one leave first? As a matter of fact, I'm not at his game because I don't want to be. Maybe if you'd have listened to me instead of kissi-" She stopped herself before finished that sentence and then shook her head lightly as it still rested against the books, "Let's not go there."

"No. Let's." I didn't mean for it to come out so harshly but it did.

She shot her hands up in a defensive way, "Hey now, don't _you _get angry with _me_!"

She was so right and it made my blood boil. I had no reason to be angry with her, and she had all the reasons to be angry with me, but I _wanted _a reason to be angry with her. Here she was, acting like nothing had happened, and making me feel so... intimidated.

"I can be angry with you if I want!"

"And why's that?"

"Because... Because you-"

"What? Because I'm not gay?" She spat at me.

That was a painful blow to me, "I-I'm not gay!"

She nodded her head slowly, "Riiight, because kissing me makes you about as straight as a ruler."

"I'm not gay, okay?! I just... I just-"

"You just what? Spit it out Shay!"

"IT'S JUST YOU! I don't like other girls! I don't like other _boys _either! I love you! Just you! I don't look at other girls and think 'oh she's hot', or look at them and want to kiss them! I don't wonder what Rachel Stewards is wearing tomorrow, or whether Caitlin McCarter will be wearing her blue eyeliner for the Spring Ball either! It's just you! Just... you...."

Haven't not expected myself to let it all out, having expected to have to lie and say I just hadn't had a boyfriend in a long time, having expected to run, I was just as surprised as she was. My eyes widened in mirror of her own as I realised I had just told Sam I loved her, "I- Oh God, I didn't mean that..."

Her face changed from shock to a combination of shock _and_ confusion, "You... Love me?"

I shook my head, gulping. I couldn't stay here now; I couldn't handle Sam's reaction. I knew how it would go. She would tell me how she didn't love me back, that she couldn't be friends with me, that she wanted her clothes back, wanted to stop iCarly, wanted nothing more to do with me.

I quickly pushed myself up and sprinted for the corner of the aisle we were in. I would have reached the corner if it hadn't have been for the hand that grabbed mine before I got there.

"Wait!" The hand pulled me back forcefully, yanking me away from any possible chance of escaping. I was greeted by Sam's face as I was whirled around.

"Just... wait," she breathed.

I shook my head, tears threatening to fall. I wanted to stay strong, I didn't want to cry, but I did. I looked down and let the tears fall to the floor.

Her hand had stayed holding onto mine, but suddenly it pulled away. I was about to take this as a suggestion to leave, but suddenly both her hand shot to my cheeks. She pulled my face forward slightly, but mainly it was her face that did the moving. Her lips crashed into mine, tasting like mint rather than raspberry this time.

My eyes widened and searched for hers, but they were tightly shut. I didn't know how to react, but it was obvious I didn't need my brain right now, because my mouth began to move on its own.

I was getting too carried away, I knew I was, but this was possibly my only chance and so I deepened it even more. I pressed my tongue to her lips, asking for an opening. I felt a little jump from her as I did it, but she opened her own mouth none the less and so I tilted my head to the left, making her move her own. She kept her hands on my cheeks while mine went to her hips, pulling her closer to me. I needed something to lean on, and so roughly pushed her against one of the aisle walls. Her hands then left my cheeks and dropped to my stomach, gripping at my shirt. A few books fell to the floor from the sheer force, and she gasped into my mouth. With this I trailed my tongue against her teeth before pushing back against her tongue again. There were a few more intense minutes before a gradually loudening sound could be heard. It was obvious it was a cheering crowd, along with a loud accompaniment of instruments.

Both Sam and I pulled away and looked to our lefts, almost like we were expecting them to be standing right there, watching us. When we finally look back to each other, I noticed the hollow look in Sam's eyes.

"I guess they won the game. I better go and congratulate Chris..." She pushed me lightly on my stomach before bending down to pick up the textbook that had been left on the floor, "Uhm, I guess I'll see you later."

With that, she left.

She left again.


End file.
